Let's Watch This City Burn The World  1
by soontobeunforgettable
Summary: Hollywood Undead zombie/love story; continued from my Quizilla profile - kidrawr.  Feedback is appreciated, as always. :
1. Let's Watch This City Burn The World  1

I think people make zombie outbreaks out to sound a lot different than they actually are.

Like, the world doesn't turn to shit overnight, and suddenly, half the population are zombies. That just doesn't happen. That's not realistic.

No, something leaks into the water supply. Maybe someone develops a new drug, and it didn't work out quite the way it was supposed to. New form of sickness? Yeah, maybe. But it definitely didn't just happen.

So, who am I? Where was I? Where am I now?

I guess that'd be something to tell you. I'm Brooklyn; a seventeen year old girl. Right now, I'm holed up in my friend Jordon's ground floor apartment with our friends Jorel, Dylan and Danny. We're waiting for Matt and George to get here, and we've been waiting just long enough to start worrying about them. This is extremely surreal to me, because in addition to the zombies, I'm trying to survive alongside my favorite band.

Confused? Yeah, I expected that.

Let's go back a month - at a Hollywood Undead concert. I dragged my best friend there, and she was really into it, let's just say. By the end of the show, she was drunk as fuck, but not drunk enough that we needed to go home. We were about the last people in the line to meet the guys, and I had never been more excited in my entire life. Apparently, neither was she - because once we finally got to the front, after talking to Matt for five minutes, she was falling all over him - "You're cute... let's have sex." and he didn't know what to do. Clearly, he didn't want to. She was just going on and on about stupid things, like how fun it'd be to be a groupie, and how hot they all were. For six guys who wrote songs about this stuff, it was sort of funny to see them all bewildered by her.

I finally got her distracted and told her to go chat up a guy about twenty feet away, while I sat behind and apologized for her.

"She's sorta wasted out of her mind." I laughed. "You guys put on a really great show tonight, guess it'd be exciting, being the last stop on the tour and all - oh, and is your leg okay?" I asked George. He nodded. He basically killed it doing stupid shit onstage.

One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was giving Jordon my number.

"I'll call you after, maybe we can all hang out or something." he suggested, walking towards their tour bus.

"Sounds good, have a good night, guys!" I smiled.

"Have fun taking care of your friend!" Dylan winked.

I glanced behind me to find her drunkenly making out with some guy three times her weight, and flashed Dylan the thumbs-up. "Yeah, I'll do that."

"Mari...?" I carefully approached her, tapping her shoulder. "Mari..."

"MARI." She snapped out of it and looked at me.

"Oh hey, Brookie!" she slurred. "Meet Zach." I just nodded.

"Hey, Zach. Mari, it's time to go."

"No, Zackie and I are going to get married..." she trailed off.

"As your best friend, I'd be doing you a disservice." I just shook my head, grabbing Mari's arm and dragging her away.

"Call me, baby!" she yelled behind her. "Hey, seniora cockblock." she looked impatiently at me.

"Dude, you're going to realize why I did that in the morning. Trust me."

We drove back to my apartment in my beat up Sunfire, and she passed out as soon as she hit the couch. Figures. Maybe she was more wasted than I thought.

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of Mari puking her guts out in my bathroom. This happened near every show we went to; by now, it just didn't bother me anymore.

"Bitch, you better not be gettin' any on ma floor!" I yelled in the most ghetto voice I could.

"Gurl, you need to get out." I heard her weakly yell back. "And get me some gatorade!"

I grabbed my hoodie. It's not like I was doing anything else.

"Whatever you say, your majesty." I joked, walking out of the apartment. It was a nice day outside - cloudy, but still nice. So I decided, screw the car, walking fifteen minutes to the store isn't going to kill me.

I walked up to the counter with a whole armful of Gatorade.

"You and Mari went to a show last night." Kendrew looked at me, all too knowingly.

"Every damn time..." I pulled out my wallet and handed him a twenty.

"Who'd you guys see?"

"Hollywood Undead."

"Must've been a time - she hit on any of them?" I laughed thinking back to last night.

"Yeah, you know Da Kurlzz right?" He nodded. "Yeah, she told him he was cute, that she wanted to have sex with him, and how cool it'd be to be a groupie."

Kendrew just shook his head.

"Oh, and then she told me she wanted to marry some fat guy."

"Sounds like quite the show."

"Yeah, it was pretty -" my phone started ringing, and Mari's name showed up on it. "Hold that thought."

"Heeeey Mari..." I tried to speak quietly.

"Bitch, where the fuck is my gatorade? You've been gone for like, a half hour."

"Slut, eat a pancake. I walked."

"Just come back. I want my juice. Pleeeeeeease." she begged.

"Fine, I'm coming right now."

"I LOVE YOU."

"I love me too." and I hung up.

"Well, I guess that's my cue to leave." I laughed, looking at Kendrew. "Have a good day, buddy."

"Buddy. Fucking Canadian, get out of my store." he joked. Everyone I've become friends with here in LA made fun of my Canadian accent and words.

"Fine!" I huffed, walking out. Kendrew was my other best friend - the first person I met when I came here. He used to live in the apartment across the hall from me, and he brought over tacos when I first moved in, insisting that I was probably too tired to cook from moving. And we just sort of went from there.

But let's fast forward for a month.

I haven't seen Mari for a week, and LA is overrun with zombies. That'd be about right now. I'd be all of a couple days off, I'd say. But I go from absolute normality in my cramped apartment, to absolute chaos, with the guys telling me that I'm staying with them at Jordon's place.

I leaned back on the couch. "Well. This is fan-fucking-tastic. What are we supposed to do, seriously? There's only so long we're going to be able to stay here without leaving, as much as we all hate to admit it, but you all know it just as much as I do."

"I don't even know." Jordon sat beside me. "At least none of us are alone."

The doorbell rang, breaking the silence that was fallen over the room, other than the sound of one of Jordon's mixtapes.

I sprinted to the door, finding out who it was. I was happy to hear George's voice saying, "Who the fuck else do you expect, buzz us in!" I did that, and in less than a minute, I could see him and Matt outside the peephole, both weilding guns. I quickly unlocked the door, letting them in and giving them both hugs.

"I'm so happy you guys are here." I muffled into Matt's shoulder. "I was worried."

George laughed at me. "You worry too much."

We walked back downstairs, and I was smiling. Hard.

"Look who's finally here." I exhaled, relieved - sinking back into my spot on the couch.

"How is it outside?" Jay asked. We'd been inside together for the past two days, and we boarded up the windows.

"Oh, you know, sun's shining, birds are singing, corpses are following us around. It's a grand old time." Matt sarcastically replied.

"Worse than Thursday?"

"Let's just say, compared to today, Thursday was paradise."

Jay just rolled over. "What are we even going to do?" I heard his voice, muffled from the pillow. Nobody knew what to say.

"We're going to kick some fucking zombie ass!" Jordon enthusiastically jumped in.

I just smiled at him. "Seriously."

"No, I am serious. I'm going out right fucking now. We're going to need supplies, we're going to need guns - a lot of guns, we're going to need food, ammo..." he listed off. By now, his eyes were gleaming like he was a little kid. "Think about it." he looked at all of us, seriously. "Right now, the world is fucked over. We can do whatever we want, no consequences. If we want to go randomly break in some windows downtown? Yeah, let's do it. Walk into a store and just take whatever you want? That's cool too. You guys are looking at this in the complete wrong light." he tried convincing us, and I had to admit, it was working.

"I'll go." Dylan perked up. "We can do whatever we want."

"Anyone else?" Jordon offered. I stood up.

"You pretty much had me at no consequences." I mischieviously smiled. He looked at the rest of the guys, who were like statues on the couch.

"So let me get this straight, I'm bringing a chick with me, and you guys are too pussy to go?" he mocked them.

Danny just thumbsed us up. "Couldn't pay me to go out there."

Jordon shrugged. "Grab bags, guys. We're going to steal everything." he smirked at Dylan and I. I just looked at him and smiled, grabbing two of the umpteen guns lying on the kitchen table - shoving a pistol in my hoodie pocket, and carrying a shotgun. Dylan did the same.

"We'll be back!" I yelled, shutting the door.

"Be safe! Don't die!" I heard Jay yelling, right after I shut it.

Dylan opened the door to go outside, and we breathed in the smell of Los Angeles - the smell of smog, the smell of the beach, and the smell of rotting bodies. Today was going to be a good day.


	2. Let's Watch This City Burn The World  2

I could see the undead just stumbling through the streets, and Jordon smiled.

"Beautiful day, isn't it?" he ran to the Fiesta, and Dylan and him got in the front, while I sat in the back, locking the doors immediately.

"You're so worried. It's funny." he pointed out, looking back at me.

"No shit. They want to eat us..." I trailed off, staring out the window. Starting to regret not just stayng behind with Jay, George and Danny.

"You're fine. Once we get out, I'll show you how to shoot one." Dylan reassured me. "You're fine."

I was still sitting in the back, looking out the windows. Biting my lip and panicking.

"Is it too late to go back?"

"Yup." they said in unison.

"...Oh."

We rode up and down the empty streets. Houses were boarded up. Some had broken windows. Some had lights on, some didn't. It was damn near 9:00, and it was getting dark out.

"Guys, it's getting dark. I'm up for kicking zombie ass when I can see what I'm doing, but in about an hour, we're not gonna see shit. We're gonna get ourselves killed."

"It's funny how you think this is gonna take an hour. Grab your guns, grab your bags." Jordon smirked, stopping in front of a Target. The door was probably open, but that didn't mean anything - he kicked the glass in anyways.

"All this? Ours now." he said to nobody in particular.

"Okay, so you hold it like... this..." Dylan adjusted the gun in my hands, aiming me at a zombie on the street. "Aim for the head..." he helped me point.

"And pull the trigger."

I pulled it, and I shot it perfectly. I just smiled excitedly. "Did I do good?"

"For a first timer - you'll get a lot better, that won't be your last shot. Now grab some stuff." Dylan said, shoving a bunch of deodorant, canned soup and potato chips in a bag. I watched Jordon steal a bunch of beer and energy drinks, and I just ran around filling up bags with whatever food I could find and carry. We each walked out with a good 5 bags, and we chucked them in the backseat, getting new bags and going in for a second round. Toilet paper, more food, more energy drinks, more candy, more canned stuff. I filled one whole bag with every disposable camera they could have, and another one purely with gum. Jordon shook his head, and smiled at me.

"We loot a store, and everything here is free - yet you choose to take gum and cheap cameras. You, my friend, are a real piece of work." he laughed.

"Well, what am I supposed to get?"

"I don't know... here! Look at this - perfume, regular $200.00. For you? Free." he shoved it in my bag. "And if you don't like it? Oh well, it was free anyways."

"You really are excited about this aren't you?" I smirked.

We heard a crash behind us, as two isles fell over. I looked at both the guys, and we got out of there. Fast. As determined as I was to keep up and to survive, it didn't mean I wasn't scared half to death.

We took our first load of bags back inside to the building, and George buzzed us in. We got there to find two more guys sitting on the couch, who looked about as confused by me as I was by them.

"Of course, let's all just fucking seek refuge at my place - nine people living in a two bedroom apartment, no big deal." Jordon joked, then noticing the awkward stares we were giving eachother.

"Shit, sorry. Jake, Jesse - this is Brooke, she's staying here with us. And Brooke, these are my brothers, Jake and Jesse." he explained. I said hey, and went out to get the rest of the bags - by now, it was totally dark out, which I can't lie, freaked me out. A lot. I couldn't express how grateful I was that the guys took me in, because if I were to be home alone right now, I could just see the paranoia setting in. Instead, I'm sitting here watching the end of the world broadcast through the television screen, sipping beers and enjoying what feels normal.

"Mmmph!" I mumbled, trying to speak with beer in my mouth.

"Swallow." Danny laughed.

"Everyone smile!" I got up and grabbed one of the many, many disposable cameras out of one of the bags we brought. Because hey - if the world ever does go back to even a stripped, semi-normal version of itself - these photographs would become the most sentimentally valued thing in the world. Other than my friends, because obviously, at that point, we thought we'd all make it through.

And maybe we would.

"I'm going to sleep." I yawned at about 3AM.

"Yeah, it's about that time for me too." Jay got up.

"The longer you stay up, the harder it's going to be to find a place to sleep." I laughed at everyone on the couch still, but nobody seemed to care.

"You guys are probably going to have to share, George and Matt have the spare bed, I think Jesse has the airbed, and I guess you can take my room." Jordon nodded at his room.

"I'm so tired, I think I could be squished in a bed with all of you, and still comfortably fall asleep." I yawned, stumbling to Jordon's room. The same place I slept last night. With the lights off, knowing Jay could see about as well as I could, I slipped off my jeans and slipped on my pajama pants. I got in bed and rolled in close.

"Night, Jay." I whispered, knowing damn well that we wouldn't go to sleep.

He just sighed. "What are we doing? - Like, what are we hoping to accomplish? Humanity's fucked over. Even if we do save ourselves, why?" he whispered back.

"I wish I had the answer to that, but you know I don't."

"I mean - none of us are ever going to lead normal lives, you know? I guess I'll never be playing another concert. I'm never going to get married, or have kids. Obviously, I could have kids, but when I'm trying to blow the heads off zombies, the last thing I want to think about is changing a baby."

I started crying, even though I really didn't want to.

"I just... I don't know what to do. I'm not that good at running, I only learned how to shoot a gun today - Jay, I come from Canada. Guns are fucking illegal there, you know." I sniffled, trying to keep my composure.

"Hey, hey. Calm down." he stroked the hair out of my face.

"I just... I'm so worried..." I whispered, my voice shaking.

He put his arm around me, and kept telling me that everything was going to be okay - though you could tell pretty simply by the cracks in his voice that even though he was trying to hold it together, he wanted to break down right now.

"Just fall asleep. You'll be okay in the morning, you're just drunk and tired..." he whisped. "Just go to sleep..."

"Jay, you're a really good friend." I whispered back rolling over. "Night."

I woke up to the sound of giggling, and a couple seconds later, a flash that made me jump near ten feet, waking Jay up in the process.

"What the hell was that?" I yawned, propping myself up on my elbows.

"A real cute picture of you guys cuddling." George giggled, showing me. "Look how happy you both look!" he zoomed in on Jay's face, then mine - and yeah, we were smiling. I lightly shoved him away from the bed. "You're a fucking creep." I quietly laughed, pulling the covers off myself and passing Jake and Dylan in the doorway.

"Come on, that was adorable." Dylan mocked me. I just laughed and shook my head.

"Yeah, waking up to a camera in your face is always some cute." I sarcastically replied, cutting myself up some fruit.

"Whatever, you know you loved it." he teased, walking back to the bedroom. Guys don't have much sense of awkward - they'll probably sit the in the doorway, staring at Jay shirtless in bed, talking to him before they start to realize that maybe, just maybe, it'd be a little bit better of a conversation if they weren't all standing there watching him half naked in bed.

"Good sleep?" Jordon walked up behind me, pouring himself some more coffee.

"Yeah, you've got a comfortable bed." I admitted.

"More comfortable than the couch, jesus - I have everyone over, and I end up sleeping on the couch!" he protested. I just shrugged.

"Last one to go to sleep has the hardest time." I winked, taking his coffee out of his hand and drinking a good quarter of it.

"Bitch." he sighed.

"Hey, that was uncalled for!"

"You drank all my coffee and stole my bed!"

"You... you... I'll think of something you did..." I shook my head.

"I so kindly decided to protect you and let you live with me during the end of the world? I'm a terrible person."

"Exactly!" I sat down on the couch next to Jake.

"Morning." he stole some fruit off my plate.

"Have you even slept yet?" I noticed how slowly he was moving and the yawning every three seconds.

"Nope, all the beds and couches were taken." he yawned.

"Mine isn't anymore, go sleep."

"Mine?" Jordon questioned the possesion of his bed from the kitchen.

I sighed, smiling. "Jordon's bed isn't full anymore, go sleep there... better?"

"Much better."

"So, what's on the agenda for today?" Matt asked everyone.

"We're going to go get more supplies, you're coming." Jordon informed him. Well, I guess that straightens out my plans. But today, everyone seemed pretty partial to going.

"We're not all going to fit in the fiesta." Jordon pointed out.

"I drove here." Danny said. "I can take like, probably three people with me.

"I can too." Jay came in.

"Well, I'd volunteer Bertha, but I know you guys don't like her." I faked disappointment, and everyone laughed. They all had fairly nice cars, and I had a rusty old Sunfire named Bertha. Good job, Brooke.

I was about to grab my money, but then I realized - money is worthless. Guns are where it's at. I took two and followed everyone out the apartment, still in my pajamas. I got in Jay's car with George and Jesse, and we followed the others downtown.

"Shit, it's even worse than yesterday." Jesse thought aloud.

There were small fired lit right in the streets. There were smashed cars, toppled light posts. You could see half-devoured bodies right in the middle of the street, broken windows. It was a mess.

"'Cause there's no other place that I'd rather be than Los Angeles..." George sang.

"Come on, grab a drink, I wanna see you hit da flo!" I sang back.

"You got a fat ass, but you shake it like you ain't a hoe!" Jesse pitched in.

"...That is not relevant. That is the opposite of relevant."

"Shut up, Brooke."

We broke into a different Target, stealing most of the same supplies, while the Fiesta was going to weapon places, and Danny was switching between the two. When the car was completely full - no, seriously, we had bags in the trunk, bags to the roof, and everyone was holding bags on their laps - we drove home, to see that everyone else was still there. But that's only the first thing we noticed.

"Oh... fucking... shit... look at that." Jesse pointed, and I gasped.

"Oh my god..."


	3. Let's Watch This City Burn The World  3

They were in the building.

Fucking zombies were in the goddamn apartment building.

The glass beside the door was broken, and blood was smeared on it.

"Grab your guns." George calmly said, cocking his, and moving swiftly towards the building, a load of bags in hand. I grabbed as many as I could carry while still pointing a gun, same with Jay and Jesse. George opened the door, as we called down to Jordon's apartment.

"It's just us. Unlock the door, we'll be down in a second."

"They're down here." I heard him say. I panicked.

"We've got guns."

"Be careful, guys. Be really fucking careful."

With that, we stepped through the open door into the lobby, not making a sound.

We walked down the stairs in a single row, guns pointed straight in front of us. I worried. How the hell do I shoot this thing again? I started crying a little bit, but nobody paid attention.

George saw one, and calmly shot it in the head. We kept walking in silence.

"Nice shot." I whispered, and he nodded.

We reached the last step on the last flight of stairs, and we were finally on the bottom floor.

"Funny. I don't see anything." Jesse kept walking, until he saw the open door of the apartment across the hall. "Guys, come on. Hurry up." he whispered back at us. "Don't look behind you..." he was even quieter.

I made the mistake, and saw zombies less than three feet away. "FUCK!" I yelled, dashing to the end of the hall, Jay and George following close behind. We opened the door to the apartment, and basically all just dived to get inside and shut the door. I ended up on the floor laying on Jay's legs, watching Jesse shut, lock and barricade the door. We still had all the bags - impressively. We managed to carry in everything we took in one shot, which was good, because I didn't forsee myself going back out today. Matt jumped off the couch about as soon as I sat down, rummaging through our bags.

"What'd you get?" I asked Jordon, who had went with Jake. He just nodded towards the kitchen table, where we now had an impressive stack. At least four times as many guns we had when we left, which was cool - because we already had about 30-something.

"Sick." I highfived him.

Matt walked back into the living room, sitting on the other couch. "You get enough gum, there?"

I blew a bubble in response. There's just no such thing as too much gum. It keeps you awake. It freshens your breath. It makes you feel full. It's free. Like everything else, I guess.

I heard banging in the hall and I jumped. Jordon threw his arm behind my back and turned the TV up. Trying to calm me down. It didn't really work, 'cause his arm was shaking, and the only TV station was the news - and what other news was more important than this?

At least he was trying, I guess.

Night came. Night after night came. The TV remained on, along with the internet. Cell service was only getting spottier, and I was growing accustomed to those late night chats with Jay right before bed. The only thing that really changed is that Jeff was with us now. So now, we had - what was that number? Jordon, Jorel, George, Dylan, Danny, Matt, Jesse, Jake, Jeff and I in one small apartment. Eleven of us. Because of course, being a 17 year old girl, sharing a bathroom with ten guys in their mid twenties - that's not hard at all.

"There's nothing to eat." Jeff complained, watching me unwrap myself some dry ramen noodles.

"That's not true!" I got up, going to the kitchen. "We have ramen noodles, beef jerky, chips, peanut butter, peanut butter balls, gum, nuts, oatmeal, canned pineapple, canned peaches, canned pears, canned everything else, we have stale crackers, and mints, and ramen noodles, and baking, and ramen noodles, and ramen noodles..." I looked through the cupboards. "And ketchup... and ramen noodles... and of course, everything you keep dragging in."

Every few days, Jeff would go out alone, and return with a shitload of snacky food. Believe me. We had jelly beans, candy corn, chocolate bars, chips, rice cakes, everything really.

"Know what would be REALLY good?" Matt asked me.

"What?"

"Chicken fingers."

"Fuck, anything deep fried would be good..." I buried my head in the sofa. Usually? I tried to eat healthy. I watch my calorie intake. The scale is my best friend.

But a few weeks into this?

I think I'd eat an entire plate of grease, had it been presented to me.

"Come on. We have great food." Dylan threw a bag of almost-at-their-expiry-date chips at me, and I opened them.

"It's 4am." Jesse grabbed them out of my hand.

"One, I'm sick of eating ramen for breakfast, two, is the time of day really a factor now, and three, they're going bad in another week!" I whined, grabbing them back and shoving some in my mouth.

An hour later, there were five empty family-sized bags of chips on the coffee table, and eleven satisfied stomachs trying to all play one game of Monopoly.

"I WANT THE IRON!"

"I'm sure you do, faggot." Jordon giggled. Since all this happened, Matt got picked on even more.

We played. Twice. Danny won, so did Jay. I came pretty close the second time, but I suck at Monopoly.

"I'm bored. This sucks. Let's go do stuff." I whined to Jordon.

"And what do you have in mind?"

"This sucks. I want to go break windows and shoot stuff and -"

"End up near killing yourself?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." he grabbed his hoodie.

"Seriously?" I smiled.

"Yeah, let's go. I've gotta go find some more cigarettes anyways."

I saw him walk out of the apartment without grabbing a gun, nothing. I started to take one.

"Nope, you've got some in the Fiesta. You're good." Jake looked at me from the corner of his eye. I shrugged and shut the door.

"So, where to?" I jumped in, and we started driving immediately.

"Wherever you want to go." he smiled at me.

"It's your gas and your car."

"Yeah, 'cause I totally payed for the gas."

"You're just taking advantage of the whole situation, aren't you?"

"I prefer to call it optimism."

"Seriously, you're running around like this is a dream come true. It's fucking sketchy." I laughed.

He just cruised around, unphased by anything that was going on.

"I don't have many real ties, other than the guys living in my apartment, and now, you. And we're all alive and well. The world's a fucking mess, what else has changed? Everything's free, and when you get pissed, you can go outside and shoot some dead people... or, you know, dead ish people. You're fucking crazy to say you don't like this in any way."

"Well, I mean - you're never going to get fruit. Ever again."

"Everything's turned to shit, and you just want a kiwi? Real problems." he sarcastically laughed.

"Everyone you love is dead."

"That's not true."

"Yeah it is."

"...When did you die?"


	4. Let's Watch This City Burn The World  4

I blinked in disbelief.

"...what?"

"You said everyone I love is dead. You aren't dead, are you?" he bit his lip, without taking his eyes off the road.

"No, but you also don't love me."

He turned to me, and I could feel blue eyes staring me down, as I pretended to absentmindedly look out the window.

"Brooke. Look at me."

I did as told.

"I fucking love you."

"You haven't gotten laid in a few months."

"That means nothing."

"Bullshit!" I accused. "I'm not an idiot - and I know that Charlie Scene thrives on showing his weenie; not hiding it." I giggled. "You don't love me. You just need to get laid."

He just blushed and got awkward. I placed my hand on top of his.

"Look. All that sounded bitchy - but I know for a fact that you don't love me. Look - I like you. A lot, actually. I'm not going to fuck that up."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

We continued driving in silence, passing corpses and staggerers through the boulevard.

"Brooke?"

"Mmm?"

"Sorry."

"Hey, no problem."

"...You like me?" a smile played on his lips, after a silent five minutes.

I just looked down to see my hand still on top of his, and our eyes met.

"I-I'm ...sorry." I awkwardly laughed, shoving it back in my hoodie.

We spent the rest of the afternoon bashing in windows, stealing cool stuff we never could afford, climbing shit and practicing shooting from on top of his old high school.

"Never in a million years did I think that eight years after high school, I'd be on the roof, shooting people."

"Bet you never thought you wouldn't get arrested for it, either."

"I think the door's locked and nothing's inside - let's go in and I'll show you around." he excitedly smiled, opening the door to get inside. I followed, and I had to think for a minute to make sure that this place'd be empty - but hey, we were four months into an apocalypse. I highly doubted anyone would still be hanging around with their teachers. There's only so long you can take the advice of those 'smarter' than you, before you need to go trial-and-error and find out for yourself.

"This was my chair." Jordon told me, guiding me past the principal's office. He stopped mid-step, telling me to wait in the hall. "I'll be right back. I just have to do this." he started laughing hysterically. He went into the office, shut the door, and came out a minute later, smiling.

"What'd you do?" I asked, cautiously.

"I pissed on his desk." he spat out between giggles.

I just shook my head. "Necessary?"

"You're fucking kidding me, right? 100% neccessary."

I just shook my head and changed the subject. "Your school is so... big and nice. Mine was tiny. And the roof leaked. And they treated us like we were five."

"Did you act like you were five?" he smirked.

"I didn't act any younger than twelve, at least!" I retorted, and he laughed.

We stayed out half the night and returned the the apartment with a bunch of booze we found when we broke into a deserted apartment. Apartments and houses were our favorites to invade - you could pretty much tell which ones were empty, which ones people were still in, and which ones probably had zombies in them.

We were driving up and down the street earlier that night, probably around 9:00, and we passed Kendrew's apartment.

"Wait - wait, go back."

"What?"

"That's my best friend's house."

"The drunk one at the show?"

"No, she's somewhere in Mexico. Haven't heard from her in two months. This is my other best friend's house."

"What's her name?"

"His name's Kendrew."

"Ooooooh, Brooklynne's fuck buddy?"

"Shut up, pervert. He's happy with his boyfriend."

I got out of the car and walked right into the unlocked house, flipping on the lights. Miraculously, the electricity hadn't even wavered yet.

"Kendrew?" I yelled out, Jordon standing close behind me.

"Brooke, nobody's here, let's just -"

"No, he's gotta be here... He swore he'd never leave. We made zombie contingency plans together."

"You were prepared for this shit?"

"I used to think so, yeah."

"Kendrew!" I called, walking downstairs.

"Brooke, we aren't going down there." Jordon grabbed my arm.

"Like hell we aren't." I pulled the string lightswitch and regretted it immediately.

"Oh... oh my god..." the tears were instant, as I jumped down the rest of the stairs, near breaking my leg in the process. "No..."

I grabbed the cold hand of Kendrew, taking in the scene of the kicked over chair and the skipping rope noose. "No..." I fell to the ground.

I heard a sigh behind me, as Jordon walked down the rest of the stairs.

"It could be a lot worse, kid. At least he didn't die a zombie." I ignored him, and just sat there on the cold linoleum floor, head buried in my hands.

"Hey... he left something." Jordon eyed a table with multiple envelopes on it. A few were on the ground - obviously we weren't the first to be here.

"They all have names." he pointed out. I got up, tears still welling in my eyes, and looked through them. Breath couldn't find its way back to my lungs as I eyed my name, written in that scribbly handwriting.

'Brooklynne.'

"I doubt you'll see this.

If you do, I'm sorry.

Thanks for being there when nobody else was.

You really were amazing.

You're beautiful, alright? You are a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person, and I love you. Forever. Thank you for being my best friend, Tater Tot.

-Kendrew.

P.S. - please don't be sad. Smile. Even though everything is shit. Smile, just for me. It looks pretty on you."

"I can't fucking deal with this today." I whispered weakly, my voice cracking. I folded the letter back up and put it in the envelope, putting the envelope in my pocket.

"Come on. You're alright. Everything's alright." Jordon wrapped me in a hug, and I supersoaked his chest. All I could do was whisper, "No. It's not."

We walked out close to an hour later, his arm around me and letter in hand, leaving all the lights on. I locked the door and stole his chain, putting it around my neck and swearing that even if I became a zombie and the guys had to shoot me, I'd never take it off.

I spent the ride home sniffling.

"Where the hell were you guys?" Jay jumped off the couch as soon as we walked in the door.

"Not now, Jay." Jordon just said, escourting me into his room and letting me cry on him until I fell asleep.

"Jordon?" I whispered groggily in the middle of the night.

No reply.

"Jordon?"

Still no reply.

I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket and turned it on, realizing I was alone. I opened the door and saw the guys in the living room, everyone passed out except George and Jeff.

"Hey." I whispered quietly, bringing my knees to my chin, sitting on the floor.

"What happened?" George jumped right to the point.

I dug my hand through my pouch and pulled out the envelope, handing it to him over the coffee table.

"My best friend hung himself..." I started to tear up, but coughed back the tears.

They both offered "I'm so sorry"s to me, and I just nodded, grabbing a warm unfinished beer from Jay's grasp.

"Not done that." he twitched awake.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry."

"Uh, hey, why were you guys out so late? And why did you guys go to bed together?" he winked at me, and I just shook my head as George handed him the letter.

"...Oh. Fuck, sorry." he handed it to me awkwardly.

"Yeah, no problem. Everything's just fucking dandy."

"Hey, I said sorry."

"Jorel is a dick when he is drunk." Jeff cleared up. "Ignore whatever he says tonight, because he'll end up saying something wrong."

"I'm going back to sleep, anyways. Just wanted to come out and see what everyone was up to."

"Have a good one." George said as I walked back to the bedroom, sinking back into bed. I was here every single night. I was the only one who ever got guaranteed a bed, even though the guys tried to make it pretty clear when they offered refuge with them that I'd get no special treatment just because I was a girl, and that I'd be pretty much expected to stay cool and "not go all princess" or else I was out. Four months in, so I guess I was doing that pretty well.

I never was the princessy type.

As I fell asleep, I couldn't help but replay what happened earlier.

"Everyone you love is dead."

"You're not dead."


	5. Let's Watch This City Burn The World  5

I woke up in a cold sweat, instantly aware of the nightmare that just went on. I shook my head and tried to stand up, but fell off the bed instead, due to the three other guys sharing it with me. I just wondered how I didn't wake up when they got in. None of them are very subtle, or quiet, or graceful, or anything of the sort.

I knocked on the bathroom door and went in, hoping nobody was in there. And for once, nobody was. I checked my eyes, put in drops, took my daily dose of pills and took a shower. It made me feel like things were back to normal. Just like any other morning for the past however long. Except this is not my house. And this bathroom is a mess; much to my OCD-ridden personality's dismay. And my favorite band was outside, along with their family. And we were all holed up in a heavily barricaded apartment. Due to, of course, the living dead outside the door just dying (no pun intended) to eat our brains. It was just sort of surreal.

The water hit me straight in the face and I remembered my dream. All I remembered was that Matt, Jeff and Jake died. And it made me feel uneasy. I didn't like the thought of losing them - this had become my family since this all started. It was just a dream.

I heard the door open, interrupting my paranoia.

"Hey, uh - sorta occupied."

"I know."

"Dylan, get out!" I peeked my head from behind the shower curtain.

I looked out just in time to see Dylan turning around to hide himself.

"That's fucking nasty, oh my god."

"You take showers that last like, an hour. What am I supposed to do?" he protested.

I sighed. "Put the seat down when you're done."

"You're living in a house full of guys and you're the only girl. No."

"Yes."

"No."

"At least wash your hands."

"Make me." and with that, he left. I reclosed the shower curtain just to poke my head out again, hearing the door open a second time.

Jordon rushed over to the shower.

"Is it even possible for me to shower in peace?"

He ignored me. "Jeff got the toaster working, we're making some fucking eggos!" he exclaimed.

"WHAT?" I almost screamed - we hadn't had any hot food in forever. "Get out, get out, get out! I'll be there in a sec!" I shut the curtain, thinking back to the times I could shower without getting busted in on every five minutes. I got out and put my pajama shorts back on, grabbing a shirt off the floor, smelling it, and deciding that it was clean.

"That's my shirt." Jorel stated as I walked out.

I shrugged. "Mine was dirty, and yours was clean. And it was in the bathroom, meaning it's anyones. Mine now."

"Looks better on me."

"Probably does." I laughed, aware of how big it was on me. Not that Jay's a big guy by any means, it's just, he's bigger than I am. "Do we seriously have the toaster working?" I asked. Jeff turned around from his surgical stance over the toaster, eyes gleaming.

"It's ready."

Ten minutes later, we were all sitting around the xbox with warm eggos and cold beer. Dylan and Jordon were smoking - and they tried to get me to, but I swore that I'd be straight edge forever. We all agreed that it was the best thing we'd eaten since all this started, and we played a drunken/stoned game of CoD. It was a really, really good day, and we just sat around enjoying life. Hey, what else was there to do?

Another week passed, and we did it every day.

But a week later, we were forced out on the streets by a busted down door in the middle of the night, and I'll never forget it. I remember scrambling out of bed after being shaken awake violently by Jay.

"Get up. Get up. Door's down. We have to leave."

I yawned, looking at him and pulling him back into bed, rolling over. "You and your crazy dreams." I muttered.

He sprang back and picked me up out of bed - I was still in a drunken trance from the night before. He carried me out of the building, apparently, and I woke up in a school bus.

"The fuck are we?" I whispered; half aware of being on someone's shoulder. I could feel we were moving. The bus was bumping pretty badly.

I then was aware of everyone else being asleep, too. Whoever was driving the bus obviously wasn't, but that was about it. I peeked my eye open, to find myself between Jay's shoulder and head. I just smiled, secretly spazzing.

You're on Joel Decker's shoulder. Just a little while ago, you dreamt of this.

I tried to shake myself of that. I was with my favorite band. But the only reason for that was because they found it cool that you didn't freak out over who they were, and because you were actually cool about it. Calm. Down.

I poked him.

"Jay?"

Silence.

"Jay?" I whispered a little louder. I hated waking him up. But I wanted to know where we were, and well, he was on the outside of the seat.

"J... Jay, wake up." I spoke, and he twitched awake. I felt bad immediately, seeing his bloodshot eyes open.

"You're awake."

"Yeah... where are we?"

"On a school bus."

"Yeah but why? I don't even remember getting on here."

"You wouldn't wake up."

"What?"

"Our door got busted down and they were in the apartment."

"How the hell did I get out here if I never even woke up? And how didn't I wake up?"

"You ask a lot of questions."

"Yeah."

"I carried you out."

"Did you actually? You didn't have to do that."

"You would've died if I didn't, so yeah, I sorta did."

"Everyone make it out alright?"

I saw Jay's facial expression twist into one of sorrow.

"No." he whispered coldly.

My heart dropped.

"W... what?" I stammered.

"Jesse..." he rested his head in his hands. "We lost Jesse."

Tears fell.

"You, Jordon, Jake, Danny and I were all in one room. Dylan, Jeff, Matt and George were in the spare room. Jesse was passed out on the couch. The door got broken down, and well... he didn't make it out in time."

I cried. I cried hard. It was bad enough that I had just seen my best friend hanging there a little while ago, but Jesse was gone too. Someone who I'd grown to call part of my family. And it hurt, a lot.

I looked out the window to see the dirty skyline burning from behind my blurred vision. I was right beside Jorel, but at the same time, I was ten thousand miles away.


	6. Let's Watch This City Burn The World  6

He was asleep again soon enough, but I had to wake him anyways.

"Jay, wake up." I nudged him, and he shook awake immediately – looking a little bit agitated. "Sorry... uh... can I get out of the seat?"

"What? Oh, yeah, sure." he moved to the seat across the isle momentarily, and I got up to see Jordon.

"Hey."

"How are you?" I whispered.

He sighed. "Been better."

Jordon stopped the bus, and I got up, kneeling beside him.

"I know what happened now."

"Yeah."

"I... I'm really sorry."

"I know you are." he stared coldly out the windshield. "I know."

I just got up and hugged him, and I never had anyone grip me so hard. I stayed strong, just because I didn't know if he could – and I didn't want to add to the breakdown, or offset it. It wasn't long before I felt tears on my shoulder, and I had to swallow back my own. I hadn't known Jordon long; but he wasn't the type to cry.

After a long time that didn't actually seem that long and a soaked shoulder, he let me go and sniffled. It felt wrong seeing him break like this. I didn't like it. I always had sort of looked at him as a whole "Brooklynne, you need to be as emotionally strong as this." type of thing.

I guess that growing up means watching your heroes turn human right in front of you.

"Thanks." he just stared down.

"No problem." I said, still looking at my own feet. I was wearing socks. Mismatched, of course – one grey, one purple. Just like Seffy always used to do when we lived in Chicago; but I've left some blood there that I'm never getting back.

I slunk away back to my seat, feeling lower than ever. I noticed Jorel had put his feet up, and my stuff was on another seat. Also, he was passed out again – but I didn't care, and sat opposite to him anyways beside also-fast-asleep Matt, staring out the window. We were in the back of the bus, and I hadn't even noticed that yet. Jordon started driving again, and I watched everything behind us just grow more distant as we went along.

I heard someone wake up, and I peered over the seat to see Danny stretching. I sat back down – not that I didn't want to talk, but I didn't want to wake up anyone else.

A few hours later, after everyone was awake and making the best of it in the back of the bus, after Jordon switched out driving to Jay, Jay stopped.

"We're definitely staying here."

I got up and made my way to the front, standing beside him and looking out the windshield to the deserted skyscraper.

"On the roof." he added.

"Let's do it!" Dylan yelled from the back, second to make his way up.

"Are you guys sure this is safe...?" I questioned nervously, looking up at the building with anxiety filling my chest.

"Nope," Jorel said, opening the door. "Now everybody get the fuck out!"

After making everyone climb thirty six flights of stairs with me because I was paranoid that the elevators wouldn't work, we finally made it to the rooftop.

"I will forever fucking hate you for that, Brooke." George grumbled at me.

"Cheer up – it doesn't rain often here, it's hot outside, and we can see the whole city. We're safe, we're together, and there's like, a bunch of vending machines to break into inside."

"She's a beautiful view." Jordon said, following me to the edge and watching me sit down and kick my feet.

"No, get up." Jordon told me, grabbing my hood in case I tried anything.

"Why?"

"I know what you're thinking. Now get up."

"Just out of curiosity – what would you do if I jumped? Right here, right now." I kept swinging my legs, and realized some change was in my pocket. Coin by coin, I began dropping it.

"Doesn't matter, 'cause you aren't gonna."

"Mhm." I got up and just passed him, sitting down a few feet from the edge, but I could still see the city perfectly. I had no idea where we were – probably not Los Angeles anymore. Well; definitely not Los Angeles.

"It's getting dark out." Dylan pointed out. It was getting fairly dark now. The moon and stars were to be seen, and the sky was a deep but not quite deep enough blue.

I walked over to our bags of things, picking out two sweaters and laying them under my head, staring up at the sky. The guys were caught up in their own conversation now, and I wasn't paying any attention.

"I don't think I've ever told you guys this, but thanks." I kept staring absentmindedly up at the sky.

"Thanks?" Jordon looked over.

"Yeah, thanks."

"...For?"

"I'd be dead right now if it weren't for you guys."

"I could picture you surviving alone. Fuck, that'd be so badass!" Danny exclaimed, and I smirked.

"Nah. Hell, if you weren't there the day I found Kendrew, I would've shot myself then and there. You know, if I even had survived that long."

"You didn't know how to shoot no gun!" Dylan laughed.

"Yeah, that too, I guess." I giggled back. "But I guess just – really – thanks. I'm probably sorta annoying to live with, with the constant questions and the fact that you guys probably didn't want a girl around you apartment, yelling at you for leaving the seat up. But thanks for not using me as a human shield or nothing." I smiled to myself.

"I'm not using Jordon's loooooove as a shield." Dylan laughed, and I heard Jordon shove him. I could almost feel the jealously radiating from Jay, without even looking at him.

We all layed down together, with the same question on everyone's minds, yet nobody would say it out loud: Where are we going? Is this all; is there more to life now? Or is this it? We kill zombies with our friends, then die?

I hated to admit that I didn't know. Not even a rough clue.


	7. Let's Watch This City Burn The World  7

Eventually everyone laid down, all of us in a drunken stupor. It was a beautiful night; minus the smell, and the uncertainty of our fate. We dragged a bunch of office chairs outside, too. Ofice chairs, throw pillows, tomorrow we were debating on whether or not to drag their couch outside. Life was good right now, and despite the chill in the air, if you piled on the hoodies and spread out the blankets, we were warm enough. We wanted to spend our last nights where the weather was like this outside. Soon enough, it'd be winter - which in California, doesn't mean snow. I never quite got that, being a Canadian, but all that winter in California meant was a shitton of rain. It was cool the first few days, but after that, it just gets depressing.

I was laying down under one of the few blankets we had between Jay and Jordon, because "it's not gay if there's a girl between you." Everyone else just got their own blankets, and we all slept in the middle of the rooftop. As far away from the edge as possible, you know? Just in case someone rolls. Even though we kind of all squished together and put our bags like a little fortress, and it was a huge, huge roof, it's better to be safe than sorry. Or waking up falling about 750 feet off the edge of a building. Either or.

It wasn't five minutes we were laying down before Jordon jumped up, announced he had to piss, and walked over to the edge. I couldn't stop giggling when I looked up to see his back facing us and hearing him hysterically laugh. The joys of being a male, I guess.

Jordon walked over and kneeled down to get back in the blanket.

"LOL NOPE." I laughed. "Hand sanitizer, are you crazy? I don't want your dick germs on your hands! You always end up touching me when you sleep!"

"JORDON TOUCHES YOU? OOOOOOOOH!" Jake yelled loudly, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Why, you jealous?" he asked Jake, winking, and I'm pretty sure I blushed. We were all awfully drunk. I can't even stress that point enough - I'm surprised we didn't end up puking everywhere.

"Excuse me, but I'm a virgin." I said matter-of-factly. Jordon's jaw almost dropped.

"How old are you again?"

"Almost 18."

"And you're a virgin still?" he smirked at me.

"Uh... yeah. I guess I am." I giggled.

"Surprises me."

"I'm not a whore!" I protested.

"Nah, but you're pretty."

I just kept blushing.

"THAT'S REALLY CUTE, GUYS." Jake yelled again, and I heard Danny laughing.

He continued laying down, and I figured there was no point in telling him to go sanitize himself, 'cause he wouldn't anyways.

That's the point in time when I realized that Jay had fallen asleep, and he was holding my hand. It felt wrong. I loved them both so much. Equally. And to know that at some point, I'd end up hurting one of them - and that I'd probably make the wrong choice - killed me.

But I didn't let go, anyways. I fell asleep to Jordon's head resting in my neck and his leg over mine, and with Jay's left hand in my right.

I could've make a list of rights and wrongs, and that moment would've been number one on both sides.

I woke up with a pounding headache, and a little too soon.

Fuck, the sun isn't even out yet, I thought while glancing at the stars. The sky was brighter, yeah - but still dark blue. But I never was too good at sleeping outside. It was cold. There was bugs. I had this immense fear of a bird shitting on me. It just wasn't a good time.

I stepped out of my own head for a second to hear someone singing. Sounded like Danny, and he was singing a song I'd never heard.

"I left my heart with my phone in my center console.

I left my feelings with my wallet and my keys.

I feel so stupid, 'cause I came here without anything.

But I'm finally at ease..."

More birds flew overhead. Jay stirred, but didn't wake up. Jordon's head had moved onto my chest - which yeah, was uncomfortable at first. But he moves in in his sleep... right? Right?

At least he isn't drooling on me... I thought.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone getting up, walking over to the ledge, and spilling their guts. It /was/ convenient to be on a rooftop sometimes. Nothing can really get you, and you just throw everything off the edge. I heard footsteps and then someone stopping right above my head, rifling through my purse. Didn't matter though - whoever it was, I had nothing they'd want. Three hundred bucks cash, my credit card, my bus ticket from the day I moved here, my house key, and a picture of my favorite night - the night Mari, Kendrew and I roadtripped to Nevada and saw Blink-182. Oh, and Jordon`s number.

"What kind of a chick doesn't have breathmints, fuuuuuck!" I heard Dylan quietly cuss above me. I pretended to be asleep, and opened one eye to see him chugging a bottle of water, then going back to sleep.

After what seemed like forever, both Jordon and Jorel woke up. Figuring I was still asleep, Jay tried to stealthily slip his hand from mine, without waking me up - and even more importantly, without letting Jordon see. I listened to them talk for awhile on the office chairs.

"So, what about Brookie over there?" Jay asked. I could hear him stifling a giggle.

"Fucking yes! But there's no way in hell that she's a virgin. Do you believe that?"

"NO!" Jay started laughing.

For the past half hour, they were talking about 'girls they'd totally fuck the shit out of'.

I didn't know whether to feel hurt, or. I didn't; it just made me laugh how they thought the truth was a lie.

I got up to sit with them, faking a yawn and squinting at the horizon.

"Whatcha up to?"

"Talking." Jordon replied.

"About?"

"Guy stuff." Jay was quick to offer an answer. "You wouldn't get it." he threw a sideways smirk at Jordon, who promptly punched him in the shoulder.

I chose to ignore it. "What's on the agenda for today?"

Jordon ran his fingers through his hair. "Nothing... I think."

"Shooting practice, fuck yeah!" Jay enthusiastically smiled, gesturing over the edge.

"Jesus Christ." I said. There were a lot less of those bastards around yesterday, and I'm sure there wasn't THAT many when we went to sleep. They hadn't gotten in the building, due to the highly-shatterproof glass. But it was still creepy.

It made me wonder if they could really smell flesh from 750 ft away.

Once everyone was awake, we all stood on the edge to see what we could see. And shoot. Both really. Mostly shoot.

Dylan shot. Then Jordon. Jeff. Danny. Jorel. Jake. George. Everyone paused to look at me.

"You guys had really rough childhoods, eh?"

I was sitting in a chair, reading George's favorite book that he brought along. Paradise Lost. The sun was hot, the seats were the best in the city, and there was no sound to be heard miles around except for our gunshots. There wasn't really any other place that I would've rather been than Los Angeles.

I still was scared. I had fear written all over me; buried deep in my chest, sitting on the top of my tongue - but I chose to ignore it anyways. Everyone else seemed to.

George took off his shirt, wiped his forehead, then looked at me through dark sunglasses.

"What else are we supposed to do?"

"Fair point." I didn't look up.

"Exactly." he dropped his shirt and started shooting again.

"This is just so much cooler than Call of Duty!" Danny exclaimed.

"I bet the special effects are amazing!" I sarcastically said to myself.

I was near cut off as Jeff rose binoculars to his eyes, then passed them to Jordon.

"What the FUCK!" he exclaimed.


	8. Let's Watch This City Burn The World  8

"Mmm?" I didn't move, as the guys passed the binoculars to one another. After a good two minutes of silence, I got up. "Seriously guys - what's wrong?"

I hadn't noticed, with my nose buried in that book, but everyone was on the ground.

"Get down." Matt hissed at me. I obeyed, then tried to crawl myself to the ledge where they all stood.

"Convicted criminals." I breathed out. I saw them there. The men in the bright orange jail suits, toting guns and shooting at anything they could see. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck..." I almost started crying. There were more of them than there were of us - how they'd gotten out of jail, I had no clue. But it was obvious that they were still supposed to be there, and that they were dangerous.

They turned their backs, and I got up in one swift move, running to the other side of the rooftop and desperately flinging the door open. I hid under a desk and started crying. Papers scattered the room from the nights we did stay in here, and were just too careless to take proper care of things. Jordon raced in shortly after me.

"Brooke?" he said, voice shaking as he entered, head still faced towards the doorway to see the rest of the guys trying to slide across the rooftop on their stomachs. It was daytime. I wasn't ready to be scared yet. Nighttime scared the shit out of me, sure - but I could still see everything right now.

I heard a gunshot outside, and stood up from under the desk, looking at everyone freeze and then continue. I heard another. Then another. Then I saw a window getting shot out across the street.

I jumped, and Jordon grabbed be close, as if it was an instinct.

"Sorry." he let go awkwardly, but I grabbed back.

"No." I shook in his arms, watching every slow moment pass as they crawled across the concrete. The gunshots, coupled with the neverending empty moan of the undead, sent chills up and down my spine. And I wished Jordon could help me feel better. I really did. - but in his arms, I felt about as vulnerable as I did outside of them.

I felt myself getting dizzy, and that's the last thing I could remember.

"Brooke... Goddammit... Brooke!" Jordon splashed cold water on my face, as I regained a little consciousness. A few minutes later, I realized that I was laying in his lap on the floor. I coughed.

"Jesus, finally!" I heard Danny exclaim, and saw his face linger a couple inches above mine. I rubbed my temples.

"Did they leave yet?" I sat up a little, and he moved.

"You've been out for about five hours - they left a long time ago."

I sank back into Jordon's lap. I felt weak - really weak. Like I hadn't eaten in days, or breathed for that matter. His fingers ran through my hair, but I barely noticed.

"It's raining outside." Dylan paused. "It smells disgusting."

"It smells like wet dog, but like. Wet rotten flesh." Jeff added.

"Jesus Christ." I rolled off Jordon and stumbled across the room, spilling my guts in a trash can, popping a breathmint, then coming back to where I was before.

I sighed, resting my head on Jordon's legs, laying back down.

"What happened here?" I whispered, because that's all I could manage.

"You fainted." Jordon stroked my hair back.

"Fuck. I should've known... this always happens the first couple days without anti-depressants..."

"Anti-depressants?"

"What do you think I always take in the morning, just vitamins?"

"Well... yeah."

"Wrong, I guess."

"I wish I would've known, I could've given you some of mine..." George added, taking a bottle out of his bag. "Take one."

"No, I have to stop depending on the shit."

"Take. One."

I gave in after another five minutes, closing my eyes as I swallowed.

"I've got enough to last the next five years." he explained. "And honestly, I hope I'm not around for five more years in this shithole."

"Don't leave..." I mumbled. I was getting dizzy again, and almost rolled off Jordon. He grabbed me and told me to sit up, propping me up beside him on the wall.

I leant on him anyways.

"Here." Danny handed me some dry ramen.

"Thanks." I started picking it apart, trying to ignore that nightly fear I got in the pit of my stomach - what if the glass ever broke? What if the zombies got in? What if we lost another guy? This is a family. I don't want to lose anyone else...

I munched on my noodles and tried to start getting back into the conversation, back into the swing of things. I stopped leaning on Jordon and tried to sit up straight on my own. My vision still lacked, and I knew why - I hadn't exactly been eating right for the past little while. It wasn't the medication. It wasn't the pressure. It was just - before this, I hadn't been satisfied with myself, and now, more than ever, these guys needed to depend on me to be as athletically tuned as possible.

And when I look in the mirror and still see the fat kid my mother kicked out when I was fifteen, it's discouraging. I lost a lot of the weight once I moved to L.A. - when you're working three jobs, it's hard to get hungry.

But now, I felt it more than ever.

Nobody really noticed, and I didn't expect them to.

"So what happened with those guys earlier?" I asked.

"Obviously we all made it in. They shot the building next door, but forgot about the whole if-you-make-a-lot-of-noise-zombies-will-eat-you thing. We watched it all. Pretty ridiculous." Jake clarified.

"Sounds like a ball."

"Oh, yeah. The reanimation was the best. Watching some dude without limbs get up is -"

"Dude, she probably doesn't need to hear this." Jorel shot him a glance.

"Sorry."

"Eh, I asked." I said. "Want these?" I handed my ramen to George.

"You had like, three bites!"

"I'm not hungry." Lies.

"Okay then." Believable lies, at least.

"Know what we should do, to lighten the mood or whatever?" Jorel asked.

"Mmm?" we all looked at him.

"We dragged that guitar up here, didn't we? Music'll take our minds off things for awhile, anyways."

"That's actually a really good idea." I smiled. "I've actually been playing guitar since I was six."

"Really?" Jordon looked at me, surprised.

"Yeah, let me see."

I played a few riffs, and we all sat around our lamps, passing 40s and just being happy we're together.

"Sing us something, Brooke!" Jeff shouted.

"No, I'm really no good at singing..." I started.

"DO IT!" Dylan pitched in, and before I knew it, there was a group of guys pressuring me into singing.

"I'm looking for the upsides to these panic attack nights where I'm staying in eating takout food, by TV light and, I'm trying to play the b-side to this awkward life of mine. You could flip me over, I'd sing a few lines about how I'm so used to shooting myself in the kneecaps, standing in the way of progress, or letting down my friends. So I'm nailing shards of hope together, to put something over my head. 'Cause you know here, it's always raining, and it happened again, it happened again - he said, 'I let this slide when we were younger - you know you don't have to write like this. The whole world's full of losers, if you get the chance to win, take it.'" I sang and played one of my favorite songs for them, and smiled when nobody laughed - in fact, all I got was a "That was fucking amazing. Cheers."

If you get the chance to win, take it.


	9. Let's Watch This City Burn The World  9

We sang and stayed up all night. We had some deep alcohol-induced conversations. I learned that George had a wife, Asia - and she was bitten right away, about an hour after this was nicknamed a crisis. She had been five months pregnant - they were going to call her Ava. And it made me wonder how he could keep a positive outlook through all of this. It made me realize how strong he really is.

Danny had a little bit of the same situation. A little bit. He also was married - Theresa was her name. He showed me a picture. She was beautiful. They'd been trying to get pregnant for about a year. When the outbreak happened, Theresa was in the hospital.

"She fell down the stairs. Broke one of her legs." Danny quietly said.

"Oh, oh my god."

"Yeah. And we all know - the hospital was probably the worst place to be. She's gone now."

"I'm so sorry."

"There's nothing you could've done."

We spent the rest of the night mourning lost family, lost girlfriends, lost wives, lost friends. Letting the nostalgia hit us in the most painful ways, but trying to be positive, just for everyone else. The sun rose, and we were still awake.

The sun didn't really rise. It was raining still. Every night got darker than the last, and every day just seemed gloomier.

"I'm done with this." Jeff crawled over to what was at one point, just an office couch. Now, it was a bed. "Night kids."

The rest of us agreed, and curled up on the floor together. That was another good thing about being on top of a huge building - we could all sleep at the same time without worrying. Of course, we worried - but not the escalated kind. I was just happy that I didn't have to face a goddamn mess like this one alone.

And it's all I could think about.

Everyone fell asleep, except for me. I moved Jordon's arm off me, went over to one of the bags, and pulled out my journal. I drew in it. I wrote songs. Random thoughts. I read through the past couple of days. My last entry was pretty short.

"I can see all of my friends and I, breaking into empty buildings.

When the coast is clear, with backpacks full of beer,

we'd throw our bottles from the rooftops, at the city; it looked endless.

And I still don't see the difference between real purpose, and that urgent adolescence."

I wrote two more scraps into it.

"No one should ever have to walk through the fire alone. No one should ever have to brave that storm, no."

"Remember not our faulted pieces, remember not our rusted parts. It's not the petty imperfections that define us, but the way we hold our hearts, and the way we hold our heads.

I hope they write your name beside mine on my gravestone when I'm dead."

With that, I returned back to where I was before, and put my arm over Jordon's stomach. Occasionally, we like acting cute. Even though he was asleep and I wasn't thinking straight, I knew I was just happy to meet him. Even with these circumstances, I guess I'll be honest - I could use him around.

I fell asleep easy, but woke up every hour or so. Paranoid, of course. Jordon twitched awake everytime I did, and I felt bad around the third time it happened.

"Sorry... again..." I whispered.

"Mhm." he rolled over facing me, and yawned. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing I need to wake you up over. Go back to sleep." I kissed him, which still makes my heart race. Brooklynne Marie Taylor. She doesn't kiss first. She just... she doesn't.

"No, really." I heard his muffled whisper. "What's wrong?"

"I'm scared."

"So am I."

"I don't know what we're going to do, Jordon. Even if we do survive, I can't do any of those things I wanted to do."

"What things?"

"You know, go back to school, get my dream job, get married, pop out a couple cute kids - I'm never going to be able to do that."

"You're never going to go back to school - or get a job - or be officially married - and having kids right now, probably not a terrific idea -"

"As I just said."

"Let me finish. But you always have us. You hear that? Always." he kissed me on the cheek and snuggled me back into his arms. "Now just go back to sleep. You need some."

I reluctantly agreed, and sunk back into where I was before on a pillow made from a crumpled up hoodie, and both of us in one of those huge sleeping bags.

I didn't wake up after that. It really did feel perfect, lying on the ground with these once-strangers I used to idolize, these people I used to think I knew - there was a lot more than I thought I knew. For so many years. Now, they weren't just some band I like. They were my best friends - along with Jake and Jeff. I loved them, too.

I woke up being pushed out of Jordon's arms, and I watched him run outside. A loud "Holy FUCK!" could be heard afterwards, and more illegible yelling. I was used to them making a racket, so I just rolled over and started sleeping again, only to get shaken minutes after.

"Can't stay here." Danny shook me hard, looking back over his shoulder. I came to my senses quick - I heard gunshots. Not just our gunshots.

I stood up to see Jordon, Jorel and George shooting it out with someone on the building next to us.

"What the FUCK is going on?" I lost all common sense and tried to run outside, but Danny grabbed me from behind and held me back.

The gunshots ceased, and I heard a distant, low voice.

"You've got a bitch in there?"

"She ain't no fucking BITCH." I heard Jeff spit out, and Danny held one hand over my mouth, the other arm still busy holding me back. A couple gunshots were fired again, and I heard a window crash.

Danny held his arm around my waist inside, and sat me up on a desk.

"Brooklynne, just calm down. Just calm down." he told me. "Breathe."

"One night with her, we'll leave you faggots alone." I heard outside. I couldn't help but start crying. - They wouldn't do that to me, would they? Would they?

"She doesn't want your fucking STDs anyway, Truth." Jordon yelled out and dived inside, Jorel and George crashing on top of them and slamming the door. They were still shooting at us outside, and by now, I was almost hysterical.

"We aren't staying here." George started shoving some stuff in bags.

Jordon came over and I collapsed myself into his arms. "You aren't safe here."

"Why do you guys care so much?" I sniffled. "You guys have a real fucking chance here. I don't know anything. If I were you, I'd leave me alone."

"You aren't us, though." Jorel wiped some sweat from his forehead. "Grab your shit."


	10. Let's Watch This City Burn The World 10

I crept down the stairs behind everyone else, bags in hand, Jordon's guitar on my back. We finally reached the bottom floor, and I knew it as soon as my sneaker hit that cold, glossy finish. It felt like leaving a home - but I knew that this could never be home. This was an abandoned office building. This isn't home.  
>I peered out the door, and the coast seemed to be clear. Zombies roamed more during the night - but right now, it was the middle of the day. Our real worry was what was on top of the building beside us.<br>Jeff noticed the huge SUV that Truth's crew had - then after close inspection, noticed the key in the ignition.  
>"Must be fucking stoned out his mind." I breathed.<br>"We're taking it." George looked at everyone.  
>"You kidding me? They just about killed you all of twenty minutes ago, you really want to fuck with their car?" Matt insisted.<br>"And what are we going to do, take that?"  
>The school bus we'd driven here was completely trashed. The windows were bashed in, there was blood, I had no doubt in my mind that the tires were slashed... Matt sighed reluctantly, realizing that George was right - we didn't have much else of a choice.<br>"Okay."  
>We ran for their SUV, with Jordon and George in the front, the rest of us in the back. I slammed the door, and that was my mistake - while we were getting our mess organized, a shot flew through the air and l jumped.<br>Jordon stepped on the gas right away, and George smiled.  
>"I hope they're eaten alive."<br>A couple minutes passed of everyone just shuffling to try and find a comfortable position. We were just real lucky that this was one of those three-rows-of-seats vehicles. I don't even want to know how we'd manage squishing six of us in the backseat.  
>Not that we were using two of the seats - Jorel and I were sitting on the floor, while the other two seats were packed with Truth's shit mixed with our shit.<br>"I think we took all their weapons." I stated, examining the giant pile.  
>"Score." Jordon shot a look and a smile at George.<br>"You guys really don't like them, eh?" I asked, smirking.  
>"You don't know half of it."<br>"Tell me."  
>"Funny?" George looked back at Dylan, who 'tells the story best'.<br>"You know Aron, right?"  
>My heart sank - I actually liked Aron. None of these guys knew it; but Aron and I had known eachother for about three years, and we actually were pretty close for most of that time.<br>"Deuce?" I asked, playing stupid.  
>"Yeah - he covered Dead In Ditches with some 9Lives faggots after we kicked him - except it was like, a diss. The shittiest diss ever, but still a diss. Then Jeff got all worked up, and -"<br>"I pulled a gun on him." Jeff smirked. "He ran off crying."  
>"Yeah." Dylan stared out the window. "So we ain't exactly friends."<br>"Pussy bitch." Jeff smirked, and I hit him in the shoulder.  
>"Don't forget Story of a Snitch!" Jordon snickered.<br>"Oh! Yeah, there were two 'disses'."  
>"I guess you got back at him well enough." I mumbled, with the secret hope that he'd be okay, and that he wasn't up there trapped on the roof with whoever that Truth guy was.<br>Even if he was, there wasn't much I could do to help him. Or contact him. My cell phone was gone for quite awhile now - since we left Jordon's apartment, we didn't have a place to charge them. Not that I think service would still be available anyways.  
>I just hoped he was alright.<br>We stopped pretty close to my old place - this was the first place I'd lived in in California. I had three male roommates - imagine how difficult things got sometimes. In the end, one was dealing crack from out our basement, one was always late on the rent, and the one that was normal, was moving out - so I figured it was time to move out and get my own place. Good timing too, Alex got busted for the drugs about four months after I left. I visited him in jail a couple of times, but he wasn't who I remembered, so I stopped.  
>"We can always stay here." I absentmindedly said to myself, but they took it seriously.<br>"Why?"  
>"Old house. I still have the garage remote and everything. Should be cleaned out empty, or should be housing a new family now."<br>"You got the garage remote with you?" Jordon asked, looking at me in the rearview.  
>"Always."<br>"Open it up, let's see what we've got."  
>I pressed the button, and the garage opened. Cleaned completely empty - I had never seen that before. This was where Kurtis kept a lot of his stuff. I closed the garage door and hopped out of the car.<br>"This is my old... home." I looked at the door, and unlocked it. I always kept that key.  
>We walked in to the smell of fresh paint and plastic. I was just thankful - clarly, this place hadn't been used since Alex was caught. They probably took his drugs, but I didn't care. I never used them anyways. All that mattered was that our couch, our TV, our kitchen - it was all just the way I remembered. A couple more burn marks in the carpet, but that never bothered me.<br>I hadn't been sitting down a minute and a half before I realized how much I wanted to see my old room.  
>I climbed up the spiral staircase, and creaked open my door. Walking in was the most nostalgic feeling ever - I was thrown back to 2008. Thrown back to the night where I was sniffling on the curb, scared and alone, just some runaway. Nothing but myself and a bag of clothes. Jason stopped and told me to get inside because "no girl is safe sitting here alone at 3AM on a Saturday. You're going to get fucking assaulted." He asked my name, where I was coming from, how old I was, what I was doing out so late.<br>Everything was answered when my cracked voice told him, "My name's Brooklynne, I'm from Canada, I'm 15, and I just managed to run away. He just shook his head and took me to what would become my new home.  
>I fell into my Winnie the Pooh sheets. Everything was still here. My busted beanbag chair, which I managed to salvage with a little bit of duct tape. My posters. I had my first kiss over by the window. I broke the mirror once, back when I was on a more destructive path. Kurtis called me the broken tooth in a barfight. Alex called me lucky. Jason told me my ideas were too big for a petty town of people up in Southwest Canada, connected by DNA, not by love. He said I'd make an amazing writer someday. - Funny how things work out.<br>I wonder about Jason every day. Last I heard, he was doing some work in the deep south. I don't think he'd be coming back now. It's sinister, but it's how life worked out.  
>My thoughts were interrupted. I almost flipped shit when Jordon layed down beside me. I hadn't even heard him come in.<br>"Nice poster, you fucking loser." he smirked, looking at the signed Hollywood Undead poster by my dresser. It was the first show I'd ever been to - I waited in line for what seemed like forever, just to stammer out a couple "I love you.'ss, which at the moment, didn't mean a thing.  
>"Shut up, you love it." I got up to look. I missed that night. "It was my first concert ever - I swear, I saw you smile at me." I paused, blushing - realizing how dorky that actually shounded. "No shame, but I used to fangirl completely and entirely over Charlie Scene."<br>His eyes lit up a little. "Actually?"  
>"I thought he was the hottest thing on this planet, no joke." I giggled.<br>"THOUGHT?" he taunted me. "And now?"  
>"Now, he's so much more than that." I kissed his nose. It turned into Jordon shutting the door, and we made out. We made out for a good, long time before he stopped me, and we both knew what was going to happen.<br>"Are you sure you want to do this?" he breathed heavy in my ear. I stared up into those beautiful blue eyes, nothing but thin layers of cotton separating us. He wanted it bad, and I could tell.  
>I whispered a yes into his ear, moaning as he found that sweet spot on my neck, and started nibbling ion it. He closed my blinds so the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling were the only things that revealed any light at all.<br>"Brooke, if I hurt you at some point, tell me to stop..." he helped me take off my shirt, and I only offered him a "Mhm."  
>"I love you." he repeated the words I had heard so many months ago as his body crashed into mine. Between sweet kisses and stuttered breaths -<br>"I love you."


	11. Chapter 11

I fell asleep in his arms, feeling drained and uncertain. I couldn't even believe what I just did. I felt warm lying there, but I felt so scared. I didn't even know why. Paranoia, probably. I worried about getting pregnant most. Even though we were extremely careful, and I don't think he did... what if I was wrong?  
>I couldn't be.<br>I didn't wake up for awhile, and when I did, he was still holding me in his arms in a way he never had before. In a way that made it impossible for me to leave without waking him up. I could smell his aftershave, and the whole room sort of smelled like sweat. In a good way, though. Not in that old high school gym class way, but in a way completely different.  
>I managed a way to slide out of his arms to go downstairs and get a drink.<br>"Look who finally rolled out." George laughed. "Nice sex hair."  
>Jorel wouldn't look at me.<br>I smoothed down my hair, a little embarassed. "Where'd you guys put the water?"  
>"Get some from the tap - it actually works." George put down his book and got up. "Can I just talk to you for a minute?"<br>"Yeah, sure." I didn't move, pouring myself a cup.  
>"Alone."<br>"Oh." I put my cup down, and followed him out. He pulled me to basically the other side of the house, then into the bathroom. He shut the door.  
>"Nice meeting spot." I sarcastically smirked.<br>"Yeah, uh - what just went on upstairs?"  
>I opened my mouth, but before I could even try to form together a group of words, he answered himself. "I know what just happened upstairs. Jordon had sex with you - that's right, isn't it?"<br>I nodded, and looked at the floor.  
>"Not to lay a guilt trip on or anything, but do you even know how much you fucked Jay's feelings there?"<br>"What?"  
>"He sat there spacing out, having to listen to the girl he's in love with get fucked less than 100 feet away. I don't know if you have any fucking concept of how much that hurt, but it did."<br>"I told Jay that we weren't anything serious... we only cuddled..."  
>"He took it as more than that, kiddo."<br>I sighed. "Well, what do I do?"  
>"I don't know, but I think he's sitting in that living room just fucking loathing himself, because he just kept saying, 'that should be me.'"<br>I buried my head in my hands, and smoothed back my hair. "Well, fuck then."  
>"Just tone it down around him. He isn't breaking you guys up or something, just - don't be all lovey with Jordon right in his face or anything."<br>I just nodded. "I understand."  
>I was crushed. I never even thought about Jay - everything just happened too fast. I didn't know if I even wanted to be with Jordon over him. It all happened all too fast, and my head was still spinning at the thought of knowing that Jordon was upstairs asleep in my bed, completely aloof. Completely in love with me, I think. But Jorel was sitting on my couch, hurt and confused. And as much as I loved Jordon, I loved Jay too.<br>Damn, this is like the worst fucking soap opera ever, I thought.  
>"So what do you plan to do?" George asked me.<br>"I'm just gonna go for a little walk." I smoothed my hair out so it looked normal. Not that anyone would really be watching me, but I did anyways.  
>"You kidding me?"<br>"Nope. I want some fresh air."  
>"You aren't going out there alone."<br>"Cool, whoever wants to come with me, can. If nobody wants to, I AM going out there alone."

I walked out in pajamas and a Dead Couture hoodie that used to be George's, but he grew out of it. "Anyone wanna come for a little walk?" I called into the living room, tying my shoes. Jorel walked out with some guns, handing them to me.  
>"Last thing you'd want to forget." he mumbled, and under his breath - "I need to talk to you."<br>My heart dropped, and we walked out. We walked in silence, and stopped at the end of the block, sitting on someone else's doorstep.  
>"So, uh - sup?" I asked awkwardly, loading the gun for the anticipated shooting.<br>"Oh, nothing much. Just trying to get the sounds of Jordon fucking some girl I actually care about out of my ears."  
>I sighed. "You hate me now. Alright, I understand." I got up to leave.<br>"Don't go." Jorel tugged my arm. "I - I'm sorry."  
>I sat back down. "Why? It's my fault."<br>He let go of me and shot to his right, taking down a staggering shadow. "Nice." I muttered.  
>"Thanks." he said under his breath. "It's not your fault. I should've got the guts to make a fucking move or leave you alone."<br>"I don't know what to say, because I love you both." I bit my lip.  
>"You're going to have to choose."<br>"I know."  
>We sat in silence for awhile, shooting the occasional one down. As I've said - daytime doesn't do a thing to me. I'm not scared. An 'attack' during the day is a hoarde of about three. I could take down three without a gun. I'm alright.<br>"So, what now?" he asked.  
>"I don't know." I put my gun in my lap and rested my hands there too, making the mistake of playing with my bracelets.<br>"Brooklynne, let me see your arm for a second -"


	12. Let's Watch This City Burn The World 12

Jay tried to hold my arm, but I yanked it back. No.  
>"Brooke, what was that?" he looked at me, and I searched for a distraction. Any distraction, just to get him to forget about it. Everything within my peripheral vision seemed to blur and melt down to nothing. What seemed like an hour was but ten seconds. I couldn't answer him.<br>"Brooke - what was that?" he asked me again.  
>"Nothing." I managed to spit out. I wondered if he could hear my heartbeat - it was loud enough, I swear that anyone a hundred miles away could hear some sort of thumping echo in their ears. I looked up at his eyes, which were accusing me in disbelief.<p>

"Brooklynne... did you start... again?" he whispered, and I almost broke down.

I just bit my lip and ignored his question, as he moved closer. "You can tell me - I went through that." I continued ignoring him, as I shot a fire hydrant across the street.  
>"Why did you just do that?"<br>"Because I don't think you'd like it if I turned the gun around and shot myself, now would you?" I asked.  
>He just sighed. "Brooke - I'm here for you."<br>"Why though?" I thought back to what George told me. "I just hurt you. Bad. I'm a fucking bitch. Why are you even trying right now?" I pushed overgrown bangs out of my eyes, making a mental note to cut my hair when we got home.  
>"Doesn't mean I want you fucking hurting yourself," he paused. "Listen. I won't tell anyone, and this can be our secret... but you're going to stop. Right now."<br>"Why?" I choked out. "What do I lose if I don't?"  
>He thought for a minute, before giving me my answer. I didn't like it at all.<br>"My trust."  
>My heart sank, and the first though that ran through my mind was 'Really? Is he really going to play that card with me, right now?'<br>Turns out he was, and he fully intended to.  
>"You aren't serious."<br>"Really now?" he got up. "Come on, I'm taking you back home. You're going to be in someone's sight at all times."  
>"Seriously?" I whined. "Bathroom. If you watch me there, or in the shower, I swear to god, don't think I won't punch you." I warned.<br>He just winked at me, to which I shook my head. "You're disgusting." I giggled.  
>"Protective." he corrected. "There is a difference."<br>"Whatever you say."  
>We got back to the house and shut the barbwire fence, scaled the shitty garage, and watched small fires blaze in the streets. See bodies vacant of any awareness at all stumble around the neighbourhood. Soon enough, everyone else came outside. Jorel and I hopped down from the roof and helped start a little fire in the firepit. It was nostalgia. How many times had I sat around this exact fire, illegally drinking, on nights as beautiful as this one? Inhaling smoke from other people's cigarettes and weed, looking up at the stars and forgetting important issues.<br>"Know what I bet?" I leaned back on the ground, ignoring the moaning outside and the constant terror.  
>"What?" Jake was the first to ask.<br>"I wonder if it'd do anything to put treadmills all around this house and use that as the ultimate zombie protection system." I yawned, and Dylan laughed.  
>"What?" he asked.<br>"You know, if we ever found a way to set up treadmills all around the fence, set them all on high, nothing could ever get in unless it could somehow fly over the fence."  
>"If we had electricity."<br>"We do have electricity." I looked back at the house. It amazed me how we did have electricity. When this sort of crisis happens, you expect the electricity to go out immediately. But surprisingly, it still worked. Every house on the whole damn block was dark and quiet, some with boarded up windows and busted down doors. Not ours. Ours was lit up like the fourth of July, though it was the fourteenth of December.  
>Tonight was the first night it hadn't rained in awhile. I was really excited for Christmas, even though I knew it'd be so much different. No baking. No presents. No tree. No big, fancy dinner. Probably all of us, sitting around the fire drinking and talking about what we were supposed to be doing this Christmas. I was still so excited though. I secretly had presents for everyone; I had stole them a long time ago when we first raided shops, and I kept them hidden in the bottom of a backpack for nobody else to know about. It made me smile. At least I'd manage to give everyone something.<br>"Christmas is getting pretty close." Jake pointed out, changing the subject and basically reading my thoughts.  
>"It's still weird not having snow." I sighed.<br>"It's cold enough without snow." Dylan laughed, and I shook my head.  
>"Christmas is never really Christmas without snow!" I insisted.<br>"I'm just happy we made it to Christmas." George layed back. "You know, with the whole cannabalistic thing going out there, I didn't really think I'd last. I'm not going out of my way trying or anything."  
>I wish George would stop talking like that.<br>We were all unhappy here. We were all thrilled that we were together instead of alone, but nobody was happy to be in this situation. The novelty eventually wore off. Jordon was right in saying that I was crazy if I said I hated every aspect of this - the looting and shooting was fun. And if you're in the right mood, it still is. But everyone here was tired, and everyone wanted to go home. Everyone was putting in a major effort to stay alive, and when George took it as a joke, took his life as something not worthy of trying for, I'll be honest - it was always unsettling. It made me worry more than I should, but I always did overthink the things that probably wouldn't happen, but they could.  
>He went back inside shortly after that. Jeff followed. And Matt, Jake, Danny, Jordon and Dylan. Leaving Jorel and I outside, trying to distract eachother from where we were and what we were doing and even how I maybe, maybe chose the wrong guy. Maybe.<br>"Stars, for the first time in a little bit." I exclaimed, climbing up the roof. He followed.  
>"And a lot of smoke." he pointed out. "No moon." he paused for a long time. "Brooklynne?"<br>"Mhm?"  
>"Are you still scared?"<br>I thought for awhile. "Yeah."  
>"You've been pretty good at hiding it."<br>"I'm pretty good at decieving people, can't lie." I smirked, making a pillow out of my arms.  
>"I read your journal." he said casually.<br>"What the fuck?" I propped myself up.  
>"You're a good poet."<br>I just smacked my forehead. "Why do you do this?"  
>He was silent.<br>"Those are my deepest thoughts, I didn't exactly mean for you to read them."  
>"What are you thinking right now?"<br>"Excuse me?"  
>"Give me a line. Off the top of your head.<em> Poem me a porchswing<em>." he took a line from me.  
>I sighed. "Why? Jay - talking's just a waste of breath, and living's just a waste of death and why, why put a new address on the same old lonliness, and this is you and me, and me and you, until we've got nothing left." I sarcastically said.<br>"That was really good."  
>"I didn't really try."<br>"You're all different kinds of poetic."  
>"Thanks, I guess." I mumbled, blushing.<br>"Classic." Jay sighed. "The pretty, poetic waitress who had to make it on her own, and make it out of a shit situation. Sounds like an airplane movie."  
>"Yeah, it's pretty cliche. Except I don't know about 'pretty'. Or if I've made it. And we're still in a shit situation, aren't we?"<br>"Over half the world is probably dead, and you aren't. No, you haven't made it at all."  
>"When you put it that way." I smirked, inhaling smoke and rolling on my stomach to watch the fire burn and crackle. We stayed quiet for a long time, and I couldn't help but be genuinely interested in the person beside me. Interested in the sense that I wanted nothing more than to know exactly what was going through his mind. I wanted to know even just a general summary of what he was feeling. What he felt when he remembered we could die any minute here. I wanted to know what he flashed back to when Jake said 'Christmas'.<br>"You know, we're not going to make it." he finally whispered. By now, the sun was going to be coming up soon, and the sky was a dark blue instead of black.  
>"And that's alright."<p> 


	13. Let's Watch This City Burn The World 13

I woke up next to Jay on the roof, Matt on top of a ladder shaking my arm.  
>"Brooke, up." I rolled over, and blocked the sun from my eyes.<br>"That's a little unpleasant. Fuck, my head." I immediately realized my throbbing headache.  
>"It's so weird." he giggled, ignoring me. "You're with Jordon, but every fucking day, we always end up seeing you somewhere with Jay."<br>"Fucked up stuff, I tell you." I pulled myself up. How much did we end up drinking last night anyways?  
>"It's gonna rain soon. I just figured I'd come get you so you didn't get soaked. And I know that wet corpse smell makes you throw up, so..." he smirked.<br>"Rain, again?" I sighed. "When does it _stop_ raining?"  
>"Oh, I don't know, I'll load up The Weather Network and just check up on that for you - anything else, your majesty?"<br>"Smartass." I laughed.  
>"Almost as much as you. Get up, we're making food. Bring Jay."<br>Matt climbed off the roof, and I shook Jay. "Up."  
>"Hnnnnnnng"<br>"It's gonna rain. Up."  
>"Mmf."<br>"There's food inside."  
>Jay perked up, and opened one eye. Not the right one, mind you - I was on his left side. He freaked out when he opened his right eye and looked over the edge of the rooftop.<br>He sat up shortly after that, and prepared to do a full on parkour jump off the roof, as I climbed down the stairs.  
>"You really shouldn't do that." I warned. "What happens if you break your foot? I don't know how to fix it, and neither does anyone else..."<br>"Yeah, mom." he smirked, running inside. How he managed to regain energy so fast after just waking up, I never had any idea. Jay was always funny like that - he'd wake up, and right away, he had to be doing something.  
>I secretly think he has some sort of a hyperactivity disorder, but anyways.<br>I walked in, and it smelled like something was burning. Something probably was. Jordon walked over and kissed me on the cheek, hugging me from behind. We hadn`t really talked since that encounter in my room. Not that I didn`t want to - moreso, he was asleep, and I wasn't.  
>"Tap that ass, Charles!" Jeff laughed. I felt guilty. It felt like I was completely disregarding Jay's feelings - but I loved Jordon. It just hurt so bad to know that I was hurting Jay. After he let me go, I climbed up the stairs telling everyone I was going to put on a different hoodie, but I ran into my room and picked my journal out of my bag and started sketching after I locked my door. I sketched Jay and I on the roof, and handwrote above it.<br>_"Now talking's just a waste of breath, and living's just a waste of death. Why put a new address on the same old loneliness? This is you and me, and me and you, until we've got nothing left."_  
>In the bottom right hand corner, I put down Jay's words from last night, too.<br>_"You know, we aren't going to make it. And that's alright."_  
>Last but not least, after all the sketching and shading and realizing that everyone was probably wondering how fucking long it takes to change hoodies, I changed and ran back down the stairs. Everyone was sitting around in the living room watching old DVDs they found downstairs. I sat down on the floor beside Jake.<br>"Oh, hey! This is the part where he -" I started explaining just to annoy everyone.  
>"STOP THAT!" George nudged me with his foot. I looked up and laughed.<br>"So, you don't want to know how it ends yet?"  
>"Not especially!"<br>"Okay, fine, ruin my fun." I leaned back, then rocked onto my feet and stood up. "I'm just gonna be upstairs." I declared. I got a thumbs up, and a middle finger from George. I took his hat and left.  
>"You really wanna play that game with me?" he asked, as I walked away.<br>"Whatever did I do to upset you?" I grinned, putting his sailor hat on my head. He got up and chased me up the stairs.  
>After a good five minute playfight where he emerged obviously victorious, I had no hat, and my sides hurt from laughing so hard.<br>"Bitch, you do NOT take my hat." he smirked.  
>"Skank."<br>"Slut."  
>"Twat."<br>"BROOKLYNNE'S BEING MEAN TO ME." he shouted downstairs, and we soon heard Jay yell up.  
>"Okay, Johnny Three Queers."<br>"Fuck you, man!"  
>Their little insults like that always made me laugh. George and I always had our own little insult wars going on - I knew he never really meant it when he called me a bitch, but it's just tough love.<br>I sat down in the room with all the bags upstairs and started rooting through my stuff - not looking for anything in particular, just trying to amuse myself for awhile.  
>And usually, I don't snoop - but it's alright, because Jay snooped me - that does make it okay, right?<br>I quietly got up and peered over the staircase to make sure that everyone was still downstairs. After I knew for sure, I crept back into the storage room and carefully unzippered Jay's backpack. His personal one. - We all kept personal bags on us. Nobody else really went through them without being asked. I felt a little guilty, but hey, he shouldn't have went through my stuff if he'd feel uncomfortable with me going through his.  
>I rummaged through for a long time. I found a lot of stuff. I found books, a magazine, pictures, condoms, his cell phone, letters and a lot more. I found my razorblade, but something posessed me to leave it in there. As if he'd know I touched it. Perhaps the most interesting discovery I pulled out was a torn up, sketched on, hardcover notebook. I set that aside, pretty excited with the slight possibility that Jay kept a journal too. I was just thinking of how I wanted to get inside his head for awhile.<br>I set the bag in its original place, making sure to rearrange everything exactly how it was before. I leaned against the wall and cracked open the white, spiral book, to find that he did the exact same as me. He wrote down scraps of songs, or lines he thought of, or what happened, and he drew, and he just painted me a clearer picture about who he was.  
>I flipped to this week, and saw that just a couple days ago, the night I'd slept with Jordon, he drew an elaborate drawing with the craziest details - I can't lie, he's at least twenty times better than I am. I mean, I knew I could draw, but not anything like this.<br>The entire page seemed to center down on the words, _"I hate the way you say my name like it's something secret."_  
>The bottom right corner where he usually signed his name was instead signed, <em>"- He'd be alright in bed, but he's better with a pen."<br>_I shook my head. A little bit in disapproval. I really wish we could just let this go, I thought. What happened, happened, and no amount of ink can ever change that.  
>I went back into my room and faceplanted myself into bed. We hadn't made the bed since that night, and I had a feeling it wouldn't be made for awhile yet. I pulled the covers up to my chin and snuggled on Jordon's side, and just thought.<br>Not that I could undo anything if I tried, or if I decided I want to - but would I, given the chance? I didn't give Jay a chance from the start. As soon as I met Jordon, I knew I wanted him to just be mine. I just did. He had some odd charisma that just made someone want to be around him, and want him to like them. For some odd reason, he took a shining to me.  
>Not that I'm anything special, but hey, I didn't complain about it.<br>I fell asleep like that. Alone in bed. I woke up the same way, and it was dark out. I always hate doing that - falling asleep alone, then waking up with the immense fear that everyone left me behind.  
>"Guys?" I tripped over my own feet running down the stairs to find everyone gone - everyone except Jeff. Jeff was sleeping on the couch. I woke him up in my sleepy stupor, panicking over nothing - as usual.<br>"Jeff, wake up!" i shook him. "Jeff! Jeff, where did everyone go?"  
>He rolled over and swatted my hand away. "Outside, fuck..." I calmed immediately after I busted out the door to see the fire going once again, even though it was raining a little bit. I stuck up my hood and sat down next to Jordon, half frozen to death already, and not too pleased with the smell. He snaked an arm around my waist and I blushed.<br>"Marshmallow?" George offered me. I took one out of the bag as he handed me a stick.  
>Jordon kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear. "Watch now, you're never gonna sleep tonight." I had to think whether he meant that dirty or not.<br>It's Jordon, I thought. He probably means it dirty. Which made me smirk.  
>I blew out my marshmallow and popped it in my mouth, silently listening to everyone else converse.<br>I love these people.


	14. Let's Watch This City Burn The World 14

"Fuck, marry, kill," Jake stated, over a full mouth of food. "Danny - Kim Kardashian, Snooki, or Paris Hilton. Go."  
>"Fuck Paris, marry Snooki, kill Kim." He didn't give it a lot of thought before answering.<br>"I'd marry Snooki." I shrugged.  
>"It's funny, they're probably all dead."<br>"Ish." Jeff added.  
>"Real knee slapper, bro. - cheer the fuck up, you've been down all night, what's wrong?"<br>"Aside from the obvious, a lot of stuff." George looked unsettled, and like he had something he wanted to tell people, but couldn't quite manage to spit out the words. "Anyone want hot chocolate?"  
>He got up, and I followed him in. Everyone else stayed in the rain. It made me wonder how being damp and inhaling the scent of death didn't bother them that much. It bothered me. I hated being outside at night, I only ever went out because I was afraid something would happen and everyone would be outside except for me, though in reality, just sitting out there makes my stomach spin.<br>Whatever, though.  
>I walked in, ready to prepare hot drinks for everyone, and to make Jordon and Dylan's 'Irish - put Bailey's in it. A lot of Bailey's."<br>"Who puts alcohol in hot chocolate..." I muttered to myself, spiking their drinks.  
>"Don't knock it 'til you try it." George smirked at me, and told me to make his with Scotch.<br>My mom always got Scotch for Christmas from all her coworkers. I remember, because she'd bring it home, and my dad would drink it. Mom never drank. Dad never didn't drink.  
><em>Christmas.<em>  
>Christmas was so soon, I could almost taste it. In another nine days, it'd be December 25th. Nine more days. I hated to think that I mightn't be alive in another nine days, or even worse, someone else mightn't be alive in another nine days. I hated this uncertainty. I wanted a near-guarantee that my friends and I would be alive and well for a long time to come. But the odds were against us, you know. We're a dying breed. Well... a dying, then reanimating breed. Hopefully we can keep avoiding the reanimating part. It still scares me half out my mind to think of Jesse sometimes, and what he would've become.<br>It still makes me sad to think of Kendrew.  
>I hadn't taken his chain off since the day we went to his house, and I cried harder than ever before. That folded up letter is a promise to myself, a promise to him, that I need to fight harder than ever. I know he'd want me to. I have it tucked to the bottom of my personal backpack, along with the picture of him, Mari and I at a show. Those were the good times.<br>And I miss that on nights like these, where I'm making hot drinks for a bunch of people I do love, I love more than anything in the world, but that will never truly be home.  
>I flopped on the couch and waited for the water to boil. George walked outside, and Jordon walked in.<br>"I've been thinking." he cut me off, right in the middle of my 'hello'. "And we need to talk."  
>Oh shit. How many good experiences come out of the phrase, "we need to talk"?<br>I sat myself up against the arm of the sofa, and Jordon wouldn't look me in the eyes.  
>"Is something wrong?" My heart near stopped beating.<br>"Uh... it was great a couple nights ago and stuff, but I think we'd be better off as friends. I mean, I wasn't thinking straight, you probably weren't thinking straight, I said some stupid things, I did some stupid thi-"  
>"What the fuck?"<br>"I just don't want to be serious, that's all."  
>Don't cry, Brooke. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't you dare fucking cry. Once you let your guard down, it's all over.<br>"But... you... you told me you love me..." I murmured softly. "I thought you meant that."  
>"I say a lot of stuff. And I do love you. I love you a lot. Just not like you want me to."<br>I was stunned. Speechless.  
>"...did I do something wrong?" I asked. "I'm really sorry, it was my first time, and I'm sorry if I fucked up or something, because I love you so much and I didn't want to, and I was just so nervous, and you make me so nervous... why does everything go wrong?" I left him there as I rushed upstairs.<br>"Brooke, come here, I'm not done yet..." I heard him say down the stairs as I shut my door.  
>Tears stung at the corners of the eyes, and I couldn't believe he'd done that. I trusted him; I really did. I looked at myself in the mirror, through blurry eyes, silently picking out every flaw I could find about myself. Trying to find the main factor as to why he didn't want me.<br>It's because you're fat, I thought. You're too fat for him. You're fucking worthless.  
>I stared at my reflection, then stretched. I could see bones begging to be set free of skin, yet I was still convinced that the only reason he wouldn't love me was because I wasn't skinny enough.<br>"Why aren't you something that someone could ever want?" I bit my lip, whispering in the most hushed tone under my breath.  
>As if anyone was listening.<br>As if anyone really gave a fuck.  
>Outside, I didn't know it, but Jordon was slamming the door outside and burying his head in his hands, telling everyone else what he just did.<br>"I just made a really fucking big mistake." he rubbed his eyes.  
>"Did you fuck up our hot chocolate, Jordon, I swear to God..." Jake started.<br>"Lay off. I just dumped Brooke."  
>The whole circle was quiet for a second, then everyone started talking at once. Nobody really saying anything especially significant, but just gossipping like a group of highschoolers.<br>"...Why?" Dylan asked, surprised tone. "I thought you guys were -"  
>"We're not anymore." Jordon sighed. "And I don't know why."<br>"What did you tell her?" George asked, sympathy in his voice.  
>"I told her it was getting too serious, and I love her, just not like she wants me to..." Jordon trailed off. "Why the fuck did I do that? That was the biggest fucking mistake, the biggest fucking lie ever."<br>Jay didn't say anything. He kept to himself and contributed my just repeating stuff other people said, though honestly, he couldn't be happier.  
>"I'm gonna turn in for the night. Don't wake me up unless it's important." Jay got up and went inside.<br>"Night bro." Danny yelled.  
>"Night! - feel better Charles!" Jay yelled back.<br>By this point, I was curled up in a ball under every sheet, every blanket, every layer of cloth I could find. I cried everything out. I couldn't even squeeze tears out anymore. At least that's what I thought, but the moment I'd heard that knock on my door, I was thrown into hysterics again. It wouldn't have mattered who it was, I was gonna be a mess, and that was just how things were going to go.  
>"Jordon, I don't want to talk." I snapped.<br>"It-it's not Jordon. Can I just come in for a minute? Please?" I heard Jay's muffled voice on the other side of the door.  
>"At your own risk, I guess." I said back.<br>The door creaked open, and I buried my head under the blankets. Yeah, because I totally want someone to see me like this. I'm a wreck. I felt his hand on my back, and I felt him climbing in bed.  
>"What are you doing?" I asked.<br>"Just shh. I don't think you should be alone right now."  
>I did as told. "So, he told you what happened?"<br>"Yeah. You alright?"  
>"Yeah Jay, I'm just fucking dandy, you know. I bury myself in bed and cry hysterically every night, it's no big deal. Not like I loved him or anything." I coldly replied.<br>"...Sorry."  
>"Not much you could've done about it."<br>I moved closer to him, and I felt him tense up a little bit.  
>All I could think of was, "I hate the way you say my name like it's something secret.", and how I'd read his personal musings without permission, and how I wonder if he felt half as guilty about reading my journal as I felt about reading his.<br>"What are you thinking, right now?" Jay asked.  
>"Just about a song I used to know."<br>"What song?"  
>"It was one by Mayday Parade. Used to love them a lot."<br>"Never heard of them."  
>"You'll be the reason I'll be uneven, covered in glass and lying on the floor. You'll be the brightest star in the sky, sing me a song and tell me who it's for." I whisper-sang. Priceless. I loved that song.<br>"That's not cheesy at all."  
>"Shut up, that band was one of my favorites."<br>We discussed music for awhile longer. I listened to him talk about The Misfits for a long, long time, and I eventually fell asleep, and I don't think he noticed for awhile. He probably didn't. At the end of things, it was moreso him talking and me trying not to cry.  
>I drifted off with Jay rubbing my back and my face buried in a pillow.<p>

**-Jay's POV-**  
>She was asleep. Just like that. A thousand miles a milisecond to nothing in the blink of an eye, she was asleep. I rolled on my back, and I felt like the worst friend ever. I just calmed Brooke down, yes. I calmed here down immensely. - Jordon on the other hand, was a wreck from just breaking up with this girl, yet I'm laying in bed with her.<br>This is the chance I've been waiting for though, I thought. You always tell yourself how sorry you are that you never got a chance. This is your chance to prove to her that you're everything he wasn't.  
>But I can't, I thought. She's just some girl, right? Jordon's been your best friend since you were in <em>high school<em>.  
>She's not just some girl, you love her.<br>You're just horny.  
>I ran my hand over her side, and I could feel her bones protruding out. My hand came to rest over her forearm, the back of it, and I could feel those heartbreakers on her wrist right on my fingertips. She was beautiful. She really was. Through all the tears and scars and bruises, she was beautiful.<br>It made me think. How could someone so insanely perfect ever destroy themself like that?  
>I was on the edge, too. I mean, face it. I've been quiet. I've been getting frustrated with the simplest things. I didn't feel like I could trust anyone, thought I knew that I could. This isn't any way to live our goddamn life, and she knows it as well as I do.<br>I didn't know what to do.  
>I looked at the girl tucked under my arm. All I could see was a little bit of her hair from the moonlight cast upon her bedroom floor.<br>The moon was a consistancy, at least. Even though the world had become a shitstorm, we could always count on seeing the moon and the glittering stars every night, and that, at least, made her smile. It made me wish we'd gotten to know each other in a time period where we both weren't frustrated and exhausted all the time after all these long days and sleepless nights, a time period where we could maybe just go see a movie or get dinner or something.  
>And I wished I could guilt free, make her mine.<br>I sometimes climbed on the roof at night and wished on every star in the sky that maybe we'd end up together. I know that sounds cheesy. I'm a guy who used to be in a band that rapped about drugs, sluts and booze. I wasn't supposed to really fall in 'love', whatever that means.  
>I just hated how right it felt to be in her bed holding her.<br>I began singing the song she sang back when we were still in the skyscraper.  
>"I'm looking for the upsides to these panic attack nights..."<p> 


End file.
